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British Government implicated in Orwellian Christmas Suprise

In classified documents released sunday, the British government has been implicated in beginning a major revamp of the english language to more properly reflect our new culture, Beginning on December 25th 2004, the british government will begin to release new textbooks and dictionaries in the public and private school systems teaching a new style of english. This english has completely eliminated adjectives and adverbs to directly convey the point. The British, generally regarded as the creators of english, have been amazingly quiet about this issue. One british citizen said "It isn't dead already?"

The documents comprise of over 70 pages of notes and dictations about the new language. The texts have some general examples of how to translate some of the classic novels and books to this so called "Newer Speak," named after George Orwell's Newspeak in the classic novel 1984. One of the most striking examples is in Dante's Inferno. Instead of the english translation starting the book with "Midway through the journey of our lives, I found myself lost in a dark wood" it would read "I got lost in the woods." Many noted english scholors have been shocked at this complete betrayal of the english language, noting that "Maybe I should Kill myself" is not a proper substitution for Shakespeare's eternal line in Hamlet "To Be or Not to Be." In another incredible move, Huckleberry Finn has been reduced to two lines "A negro and a whitey go down a river. You can see whats going to happen"

The British have refused to comment on this story. The government's offical position is hard to determine, but one high up said "What, you guys haven't seen Hugh Grant in a movie before?"
Old 12-05-2004, 06:30 PM TheJesus is offline