Question on children and religion, like the other guys thread, but I don't want to in

[ytzombe]

My wife is a staunch atheist but celebrates Easter and Christmas. Not for the religious aspect, but for the tradition of spring with eggs, the bunny, and presents. As for Christmas, she likes the tree and presents, not really the Jesus thing. I grew up Jewish and really don't care about the religion, it just really provided an identity. So now we have a wonderful daughter. I am just stuck on what we should do. I would like to bring in the Jewish traditions that I was raised with, passover and hannukah. My wife doesn't like hannukah as it is 8 days and never the same day every year. We haven't celebrated it since getting together and always did the Christmas thing. She really doesn't want to spoil our daughter with 8 days of presents and then Christmas presents on top of it. So really I am at a crossroad. How can I bring in my identity when we are always doing my wife's thing?

[RazorWind]

Can you take your daughter to Hannukah/Passover celebrations thrown by someone else? For instance, if what you really want is to teach your daughter the tradition of getting together with the family at that time of year, can you not take her to the celebration thrown by your parents or brothers/sisters?

At Hannukah, just don't give her presents, but do all the other important things, and tell her what it's actually supposed to be about.

[Why_Ask_Why]

scrap both christmas & hanukkah and celebrate festivus instead

[ytzombe]

Originally Posted by RazorWind

Can you take your daughter to Hannukah/Passover celebrations thrown by someone else? For instance, if what you really want is to teach your daughter the tradition of getting together with the family at that time of year, can you not take her to the celebration thrown by your parents or brothers/sisters?

At Hannukah, just don't give her presents, but do all the other important things, and tell her what it's actually supposed to be about.

my parents generally so passover. I guess that will be a start.

[[H]ard|On]

Originally Posted by ytzombe

We haven't celebrated it since getting together and always did the Christmas thing.

Why not just keep going with what you're doing?

I too don't give a shit about either religion but normal easter/xmas just seems easier. It's like choosing PC over Mac - more support out there

[joemama]

Personally, I find the jewish thing a little too complicated. If I were in your shoes I would just stick to the Santa/easter bunny thing.....neither of which have anything to do with Christianity, and are two holidays that are already celebrated by many non-Christians.

[RazorWind]

Originally Posted by [H]ard|On

Why not just keep going with what you're doing?

The real sticking point is in that last line. He wants to have some of his own family traditions honored in the raising of his kid. It doesn't sound like he's so concerned about the religious connotations of these holidays so much as that his wife dismisses the celebration of them in favor of those from her own culture, and he wants his kid to at least think fondly of his holidays, even if she's not going to grow up and be a practicing Jew.

[Why_Ask_Why]

sounds petty

[joemama]

The problem is (if you want to maintain the non-religious/athiest thing) that you can't really observe the Jewish holidays without the religious aspect, whereas the Christian holidays already incorporate pagan/secular traditions, and can be celebrated either way..

[[H]ard|On]

I agree Xmas is so nice and generic now.

[5ive]

Don't give her presents for Hanukkah and just do the prayers and make some latkes. Or give her a little present one night. It's not complicated at all so I dunno why your wife is so resistant.

I don't see why your wife should be opposed to Passover. The food is delicious and you don't actually have to observe it every night. If your parents have a Seder every year then that problem should be solved.

Originally Posted by joemama

The problem is (if you want to maintain the non-religious/athiest thing) that you can't really observe the Jewish holidays without the religious aspect, whereas the Christian holidays already incorporate pagan/secular traditions, and can be celebrated either way..

Yes you can. My family is Jewish and we "celebrate" Hanukkah and Passover every year, yet I became atheist by middle school. Parents never sent me to Hebrew school and we literally never went to Jewish services, so I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying when I say the few Hebrew prayers I know. It's all about presents, spending time with family, and eating good food. I don't even really identify as Jewish (it's complicated).

And I just had a bacon cheeseburger for dinner.

[jfkil1a]

Tell your wife that you are, in fact, the man and that you teach your daughter to celebrate what you want. Then dhitb. That's what I did with my wife(after a few drinks) and now she has the same religious identity that I do, AND she doesn't say shit about it anymore. Problem solved.

[cokezeroholic]

Originally Posted by RazorWind

Can you take your daughter to Hannukah/Passover celebrations thrown by someone else? For instance, if what you really want is to teach your daughter the tradition of getting together with the family at that time of year, can you not take her to the celebration thrown by your parents or brothers/sisters?

At Hannukah, just don't give her presents, but do all the other important things, and tell her what it's actually supposed to be about.

I'm with this.

I get that your wife doesn't want to do the whole "spoiling" thing with 9 total days of presents, but that isn't what the holidays really mean. If you just tell your wife that you want to celebrate the meaning of the holidays with modest gifts (if any) then I don't see a problem with it. This doesn't just have to be your wife's and society's commercialized holiday season, but it should take the whole family into consideration.

[Thermo1223]

Originally Posted by why_ask_why

scrap both christmas & hanukkah and celebrate festivus instead

[augusttremulous]

Originally Posted by 5ive

Don't give her presents for Hanukkah and just do the prayers and make some latkes. Or give her a little present one night. It's not complicated at all so I dunno why your wife is so resistant.

I don't see why your wife should be opposed to Passover. The food is delicious and you don't actually have to observe it every night. If your parents have a Seder every year then that problem should be solved.



Yes you can. My family is Jewish and we "celebrate" Hanukkah and Passover every year, yet I became atheist by middle school. Parents never sent me to Hebrew school and we literally never went to Jewish services, so I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying when I say the few Hebrew prayers I know. It's all about presents, spending time with family, and eating good food. I don't even really identify as Jewish (it's complicated).

And I just had a bacon cheeseburger for dinner.

what 5ive said.

If her main problem is the presents, don't do big presents, do tiny presents those nights instead.
If it's the religious aspect, then she's being hypocritical (yeah, I know, Santa doesn't actually require any prayers, but like 5ive said, they're in hebrew, the kid won't know what they're saying, and if they're atheist and don't believe in the deity they're quasi-praying to, then it doesn't matter that prayers are said or not). I don't see why you both can't have your traditions.

Originally Posted by joemama

Personally, I find the jewish thing a little too complicated. If I were in your shoes I would just stick to the Santa/easter bunny thing.....neither of which have anything to do with Christianity, and are two holidays that are already celebrated by many non-Christians.

You probably find it complicated because you're not Jewish. That's like saying I find learning Spanish complicated because my first language is English. Of course, something you're not familiar with may seem complicated.