best divorce letter ever

[DXSE2102]

This has been floating around for awhile so I'm not sure if its a or not. Anyway this guy is a fucking king.

Dear Connie,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking.

Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride
ended that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you

I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as
loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you They're not even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me.
I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my
desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I
mean, just a perfect body. Breasts like you wouldn't believe and an butt that
just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch kissing this beauty, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before.

I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after we finished doing it on the kitchen table, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her Pamela Anderson-like, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch.

Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jebus,
Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds
me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday
Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the
sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when
she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can
hear us And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your
grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it,
right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally great, but it makes me
sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the
mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we
never used it like this."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is.

So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier
times. Here's this 19 year old girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do
is think of how much she looked like you when you were her age. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole
"threesome" thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness
between us. But do you see how even then, when I am laying in bed with your baby sister and her best friend Maggy, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Connie.

In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just
wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you
feel the same please, please, please let me know.

Otherwise, can you let me know where the TV remote is.

Love.
Dave

[wald0mp3]

Spinoff? Genmay dharma?

Edit:

[Totally Awesome]

cliffs

[ILikeLife]

Originally Posted by wald0mp3

Spinoff? Genmay dharma?

Edit:

[Vienge.]

.

[Fear Night]

[darwin]

I don't care if it's , its incredible.

[Cashman]

That was good.....yuo fgts who are saying cliffs just read it!

[bast_imret]

good read

[bizell]

it's old but friggin' awesome

[jizzypop]

mildly amusing at best

[TigerKnee]

meh

teel:address

[Fat Burger]

Funny, but really, really old

[IceTeaBag]

Pretty damn good.

[lefty]

that was awesome