Fun With Fake Personals...

[IshI]

for the complete list go here:
http://www.hevolve.com/asinine/ae1.8.html




hey there ashley!!!! well if your are looking for a good time i think i can show ya one. im a down to earth guy who will treat ya like a princess. i work full time in lake bluff il. i also enjoy building ol skool hot rods and motorcylces in my spare time. sorry no photo, but you want an image to create.. well here it goes. if ya ever seen the movie grease or grease 2 or the outsiders...well thats me. i dress that way not for attention but thats how i am...... it just seems like the gals turn away because im not wearing that abercrombie stuff. dont get me wrong thats fine but im not one to follow in someone elses footsteps. ive learned to make my own and want someone to look up to me. well if your interested and looking for a good time i really think yo would enjoy yourself with me... hope to hear from ya soon...
Is this guy for real?


Well i feel kinda stupid useing a dating service but hi I Jared I live in the chicago area and I saw your personal online. So I'll give you the run down I'm 19 years old I go to the Universal Technical institute in Glendale Hieghts. I'm 5'11" Brown Hair and eyes, I'm not sure if I want a relationship but I'll try anything. Anyways,if you write back and mabye we can talk. Bye.
You should feel stupid, but it is ok, with all your confidence Im sure you will be beating the chix off with a stick.


Hi, I ran across your profile and thought I would drop you a line. I am 25, college educated and self employed. I am looking for a girl who is adventurous and spontaneous like I am. I have a great sense of humor and love trying new things. If you think you can handle a guy like me, drop me a line sometime.
- Paul



Hey baby sorry i don't have a profile yet just got on and could not wait to email you but i am 28 6' tall just looking for a good time.
Let go out!
Mike.


whats up???your profile caught my eye...u definitly seem like someone id like to get to know and talk to....if u wnat to talk some more u can mail me directly.


Hi there!! I am attractive, dark hair, dark eyes, very affectionate, and 6 foot tall. I am married, happy for the most part but looking to meet a new friend. I am looking for someone to hang out, checkout some live music, new places to eat and mostly just to have a ton of fun. I am pretty open-mind and looking for the same. I also am very passionate, love intimacy, love to please, a very, very strong appetite in the bedroom, and yes, I suppose a bit naughty too. I am 37, have dark hair with some silver, 6 foot tall with a medium build. I’ve been told I have a nice smile and am pretty easy on the eyes. I do have a picture so if you are just a little curious please let me know your email address and I will send it to you. So what is it I am looking for? Mostly for a friend that I can openly talk to, perhaps share ideas and feelings with, To sum it up in a brief, direct way, ....I suppose my mind wanders quite a bit. I think about sex often and have several desires and thoughts. My wife likes sex but is a bit conservative. With that in mind, I suppose I have thought several times about being a naughty boy and sharing my thoughts and desires with another woman. Sometimes the thought of opening up like that is a real turn on for me. As you can guess, at the same time, I would like to know what turns you on. Is there something in the back of your mind that you have thought of but have never shared with someone? Hmmmm?
Awaiting your reply.
Louis.
Right...


thought i'd try this again, i still can't get a hold of you and this yahoo thing says your always online, its like so unfair! how was your day? when do i get to come pick you up in my sports car, drop the windows, pop open the sunroof and drive around with you looking fine as hell up front with me? haha! i wish!! hope I finally get to hear back from you, even if your not interested, at least i'll know then.
Earlier from the same guy:
Hey Ashley! I've tried many times IM'ing you, but it just wont go through for some reason. Yahoo keeps saying your not a member and even went through their tech support trying to figure this one out. I told the rep there was this HOT girl on the Personals that I wanted to IM but somehow it wouldn't let me.. go figure! Yes, very very pretty! I think its awesome you love to have a healthy sex life, only question is, how long can you last? Mmmm! If you have AOL, try IM'ing me sometime on there.
And again from the same guy…
I keep trying to IM you, but it says your not even a member, do you have aol by chance?
-Mike.
I think our friend Mike has just picked up the stalker award. Nice work!


Well, first off I would like to apologize about sending you the icebreaker, it was then brought to my attention that an icebreaker is sort of an insult becuase and email is much more personable. Anyway, I subscribed and decided to email you instead of a weak icebreaker. If your interested in talking to me great. If not that's cool too.
Thanks,
Anthony.


Hey Sexi how u doin, whats ur name? my name is Mike i'm from philly, and i'm going to be visiting chicago in the end of august and will be staying there for a week at the Ohare Westin Hotel on business and i dont know anyone from that area and this is why i'm on here trying to meet people from chicago to show me around and have sex with while i'm there to keep me occupied, if u were interested in me after reading my profile(under review) then maybe we could chat some more exchange emails, cell numbers and set this up and make arrangements to get together for a drink or even a game of strip poker and its ok if u dont know how to play thats even better, lol relax i'm jK....kidding :-). let me know if ur interested, cause i'm pretty confident u wont regret meeting a guy like me, I gaurantee it. take care-----Mike---- and one more thing, FYI i'm like no one u've ever met! and words could never even come close to describing me or my actions. u'll just have to get to know me for me the real me, and i promise u the best sex that u will ever have in life, but one thing though, don't fall in love with me, cause i wont be staying too long, lol.


please take a few seconds to send me an email and i'll send you my photos. i bodybuild as a hobby and have done some photo shoots. honest. i'm 100% legit. i'm confident you'll like the photos. if you don't, you'll never hear from me again. no big deal.


what up gurl! well sorry i dont have my profile set up yet but im 5'11 175 atheltic and love workin out. brown eyes and hair earings tattoos and i am 24. i feel ya on the whole attachment thing i am 24 and not in a hurry for settling down. all the gurls around my age want to settle down and want more then i can offer. im sure u have had ur fair share. but i jus saw ur pic thought u were a cutie so figured drop ya a line.


I was just browsing through yahoo personals and wow. There was something you said that really caught my attention. I love to have sex. Then you said you didnt want any baggage. Well I am currently serving in Iraq and I've been here for 11 months now. When I come home Im going to be like a dog in heat and I'm going to need someone to help me out.
Sorry guy, but I think there is a real chance that you wont be coming home...


I enjoy life as much as possible. My job gives me a unique outlook on life. So when I'm not working I'm making the most out of things. I enjoy clubs, dance or comedy. I love being outside at the beach, rollerblading, rafting, concerts and ball games. I have a nice size group that likes to party and get out. I'm looking for a partner in crime that may one day lead into more, but for now just somone to have fun with. Hope to hear from ya.


hi read your profile I like it and you are a very beautiful woman. I would love to see if we could connect. I am a 22 year old black professional fun and very laid back. Email me. Like to travel alot and take my motorcylce for long weekend spins. I appreciate good food and culture. i own a business so i get kind of busy but i would love to make time for you.


My name is Ron, I am a 25 year old latino guy from the south suburbs. I am an old fashioned type of guy and believe that the man should treat his lady like a queen. I am looking for someone to hang out with, but would like for it to turn into something more serious. I am a huge sports fan, I like all the big sports, plus i try and stay as active as possible. I also love to go out and dance as well as stay in and relax. I hope we can talk.


Hey there- i am an idiot. Wait, Im suppossed to say good stuff about myself, right-oops! I am a musician and and art student. I study animation and play out monthly. I travel out of the country once a year- to Europe and love squishy animals. First and foremaost- I really am a dork- but it makes for great fun. One problem though- I will be moving to LA next June, but if thats not a problem give me a holler. Ill send a pic if you respond. Check my profile out and if you like it, well, we ll see.
I give him credit for the honesty...


Hi Ashley.. How are you? Good I hope. Hey, I am Joe.. 28 years old and I live near Wrigley. I am a pretty decent looking guy and extremly nice. Not like a lot of guys who are mean and just put on a fake front to get the chicks.. Hehe... Anyway, check out my profile..
Another keeper...


I saw your profile (quite obvious, right?) and decided that I'd email you to find out more. I liked your seemingly witty profile, and truth be told, you are pretty hot as well. Actually I don't put much stock in the accuracy of profiles...I think people are more concerned with portraying themselves in a positive light than anything else, so I'm wondering what you're really like. As for myself, I've been in Chicago for almost two years now and am teaching high school on the West side. I live in Lakeview though. People tell me I'm funny, energetic, often sharp-tongued and critical, and when I tell them I have a (fraternal) twin, they seem never to believe there's too of us (still not sure if that's a compliment or not). Anyways, write me back if you think you might be interested to know more.
-Patrick.



Hi there,
What can I say? I'm pretty new at this, but I'm getting use to it. It's still weird though. I saw your profile and thought you were very attractive and had some great qualities. I'd love to talk to you some more.
A real winner here...


Hey hows it going? I wanted to say hello and you have a great smile. Well I guess I'll tell you something about myself. I used to play college basebll at Univ. of Louisvill but got hurt and had surgery. Then transfered to ill. St. Univ. was found inelligible cause of transfering now I'll finish school at Bradley in Peoria. I run and work out everyday. I live a very healthy life except for the occasional drinks. I'm very grounded, I'm of the rare breed of males that listen. I love to goof around and have fun. I've been single for along time now cause I have not found anyone that appreciates the things that I do. I'm very curtious, friendly and nice. I have ended in last place alot, which is okay cause I know there is some one out there that will appreciate the things that I do.


Hey I think your cute and thought I would say HI, So what is a decent taste in music? I am a house dj - I have no baggage so hit me back if you are interested.


hi i just saw ur personal on yahoo and i would like to get to know u better. im 18 and i live by chicago and damen. im 6ft 180lbs. im not much of a party person but i do like to get out of the house. im a big time biker and love to ride bikes by the lakeshore. i also have a car so dont trip about cruisen.


Hey I love your profile. I am originally from Casper Wyoming, and I am finishing up school in Lincoln Nebraska. I went to school there to play on the tennis team, so you can see my pic at huskers.com under the 2003 tennis bios for Ryan Jay. I recently took a job in Chicago, so I am looking for people to meet. I loved your profile, so e-mail me sometime. Ryan.


Hey, I'm Tom. I'm 23, graduate of University of Illinois, and living in Lake Forest. I keep looking at your profile and finally decided to write you, since your profile really caught my attention and I'd like to get to know you better!


We are looking for beautiful young women as yourself for swim suit modeling. It's a nice way to earn extra cash. If your interested, reply.....John.


hi. i like your profile and you are cute. i'm shooting for cute, nice, good sense of humor, smart, interesting, and sweet. sound like you? a little about me-- i'm originally from Cleveland but i've moved around, living in Massachussetts (college); Rome, Italy; Seville, Spain; Guayaquil, Ecuador; Venice, Italy; London, England; and finally to Chicago. i speak Spanish and Italian. i am a sports nut and love Lebron James – don’t worry …. it’s a very different kind of love than I would have for a girlfriend…… my undergrad majors were painting and art history (my favorite painter is Van Gogh --my paintings are mostly abstractions of the human figure) I went to Venice on a Guggenheim Fellowship in fine arts but ultimately decided change pace and just paint as a hobby. Last week, I graduated with a double masters MBA/MSc finance jointly given by the Univ. of Chicago and London School of Economics. I like tv shows like The Sopranos; Law and Order (addicted!); movies (especially with ice cream) ranging from "Old School" to "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" to art house classics like "Paris, Texas"; definitely not a pretty boy but not too macho to enjoy "Sex and the City" -- in secret, of course hope you're interested, i'd like to hear from you....
Mike.
Thank you for all the info, now there is no need to respond...


So here's my attempt, to see if you're there...to see if you like guys with naturally curly hair! To see if you like guys with really strong hands...to see if you like going and watching live bands...to see if you’re looking for someone who looks good in a suit, in shorts and a t-shirt or silk pa....s to boot! Just wondering if you want to meet someone who IS genuinely kind, just wondering if you're into a big glass of sunshine... Cheers, D


Hey, I saw your profile, and thought I would say hey. I'm also looking for a good time. I'm pretty bored right now. I live in charleston illinois, south of chicago. It's very boring here. Just looking for someone to hang out with. And I promise I have great taste in music. So if you want to get together for a drink, let me know. -Eddie.


Hi, You really sound interesting. I would like to get to know you. I am a young, intelligent guy that knows what he wants. I currently go to college for my graduate degree and also work on weekends. I am looking for similar woman. Anyway, I am a genuine guy and I expect the same from a woman. Trust me, I am a normal guy that doesn't have problems finding women. The reason I am here is because I don't have time to go out a lot. It doesn't go well with your girlfriends. Anyway, I hope to hear from you soon. If you have any questions, don't hesitate.
Right...


I found everything you wrote in your profile very appealing and we have such similar interests.....I really think that you and I would get along very well either as friends or possibly more. Hmm....about me well I'm very single, 29, 5'10" and have an athletic build, dark hair and brown eye's. I'm a mechanical engineer and i design aerospace equipment. I enjoy being active Biking and running is how I get most of my exercise in, i make the best of our lakefront. Getting to know you would be an interesting road so i hope to hear from you soon. Take care. Rich.


Hi there! Ok, this is probably the 300th email you have received so far but here goes… about me, I am very attractive, dark hair, dark eyes, very affectionate, and 6 foot tall. I am married, happy for the most part but looking to meet new friends. I am looking for someone to hang out, checkout some live music, new places to eat and mostly just to have a ton of fun. I am pretty open-mind and looking for the same. I guess I am looking for someone who at one time has thought about hanging out with an older guy who definitely knows what he wants. I am 38 but look younger. Perhaps you can e-mail me back so we can chat. I also have a pic if you are a little curious. Louis PS...I love your smile!!
Actually you were message #3, nice work Louis...


Dear friend My Name is Jon How are you? I am doing fine. So I would love to hear all about you. Do you work and what type of work do you do? Do you have any hobbies? What do you look for in the person for a relationship? Also do you have any brothers or sister and are they younger or older then you and if so do they have any children? What type of movies do you enjoy? Is family very impartment in your life? Can you send a picture to me if you have one? I Will tell you about myself. I am 6’3 inches tall and weight about 220 pounds I have blue eyes and blonde hair. . I have no dependants at all and never been married. I have family across USA and Europe and I spend allot of time with my nieces and nephews, cousins and ECT when I vist the family am from a close family and I was adopted as birth. My real parents I do not have any information but my adopted parents are my real parents I say. I also enjoy traveling. I also enjoy photography, videos, movies and listening to music. I enjoy walking on the shore listening to the waves. I am honest, warm, concern, trustworthily, loyal, down to earth person. I will do anything for anyone at anytime and go out of my way for that person. I have an excellent sense of humor. I enjoy comedy movie probley the most. I have my own computer at home. Computer is a part of my life for corresponding to family on the I am 3 quarters German and one quarter English is my background. . Would love to hear from you. You wont be disappointment at all. You have a friend here for life and maybe a lasting relationship that we are both missing the right person. All my birthday is august 6. Sweetest of angels I want to be your angel. All through the night I'll be Standing over you All thought the night I'll be watching Over you And through bad dreams I'll be right there Baby Holding your hand, telling you everything is all Right And when you cry I'll be right there Telling you you Was never anything less than beautiful? So don't worry I'm Your angel standing by. Sincerely Jon.
This message was going to win the prize of most pathetic until I read the next one...


Hi My name is Stan and I am looking for a like-minded gal to date and just plain have fun. I like the simple things in life. Such as sun filled days, winter twilight, the dawns of midsummer, a midnight in the spring and fall's noonday. Nature. A glass of lemonade on a hot summer day. Gazing out on a large body of water and watching the waves lap against the shoreline. Being alive. Dancing. Talking with friends and family. Video games. Amusement centers. Plopping a quarter in a gumball machine. Drives down lakeshore drive or anywhere. The scent of a flower. Traveling to old and familiar locales, in addition to new and exotic places. Finishing a project. A kiss. Giving a helping hand. Laughing. Blowing bubbles and having extra, so others can too. I know, I know, I am merely a face among the many crowd. But perhaps, by chance, your eyes may find something pleasing about what I've said and give a fella a chance. Bye. Stan P.S. I do have pics I can send to you.
Blowing Bubbles?!?! Congrats Stan, you have won the honor of being most pathetic...

[Daishi]

way too fucking long, jesus.

[Deekers]

jesus holy mother of fuck TL;DR

[ufot]

fasdfsdf

[Rancidpunk666]

http://www.youthemannowdawg.org

[Paints]

holy mother of wasted bytes...

[c3imny]

ur going to be banned soon

make your time here

[smok3]

i dont think were really supposed to read all that.....

[josegarcias5]

tl;nf;dr

[Gloibin]

I like my wimmen hairy.

Must have a c-section scar.

too long, didn't read
this thread does not deliver
time to go elsewhere

[bluechip]

I didn't read any of that shit

[Stooka]

TL;FY

[liquidtrance123]

Originally Posted by Deekers

jesus holy mother of fuck TL;DR

[liquidtrance123]

Originally Posted by Stooka

TL;FY

well said