Epic Cruise thread (pics)

[zitboy]

Last week I went on a 7 day cruise through the Caribbean Sea.

Day 0: I learn that we have to drive to Cincinatti to take the flight because that's the most cost effective means of getting down to Ft. Lauderdale. Once there, we meet up with family (sisters Emily, Nicole, and Matt (Nicole's boyfriend)). We walk to a restaurant that's about 1.5 miles down the beach from our hotel. The restaurant is called PUSSERS and it features oysters on the half shell. I had about 10 of those. Mofugging delicious. Nothing else happens that night.

Day 1: We take a taxi over to our humungous ship, the Caribbean Princess of the Princess Cruiselines. It's a big damn ship. It's the third largest in the world, yet it was relatively cheap to get on it.

fuck this i'm not writing out a whole journal. screw that idea.

here's what i learned on the cruise.
NUMBER ONE:
Night clubs fucking suck. end of story. period. There's an 18 and over night club elevated at the back of the ship. it's a pretty cool setup with bar lights dj all that shit. I hate it. I hate all the music there. I hate hip hop, and disco, and shit rap. I hate it all. I spent most of my life up until senior prom denying this hatred in an attempt to just get on stage and dance, and I wasn't about to dance this time. I hate it. I don't want to meet the girl i'm gonna marry on a fucking dance floor. HEY WHAT'S YOUR NAME!? WHAT?! WHAT'S YOUR NAME!? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! DANCING FUCKING SUCKS!! YEAH, I LIKE THIS SONG TOO!!!

I seriously hate it. I tried to sustain the hatred for the first three days. My sister Emily, who is emotionally unavailable with her boyfriend of 3 years (bf didn't come on the cruise) started idly dancing on stage for less than a minute when this poser in bag ass pants starts getting his freak on in front of her. I start getting protective of my sis but then realize that she just wants to meet people, so i let this drunk fuck make an ass of himself. anyways. I, unfulfilled, leave my sister at the club and walk around this huge ass ship to explore and see if there are any nice girls and such. wait no i'm not done fucking talking about night clubs. NIGHT CLUBS FUCKING SUCK. seriously. what aspect of your personality shines through on the dance floor? none! nothing tangible and respectable comes from a dryhumping ass clown who's only dancing for the sake of the grabass crusade. Internet dating is SO MUCH BETTER than lonely hurt nightclub dating. I don't hate dancing. I don't. I hate nightclubs. i hate dryhumping strangers. I hate nightclub hookups. seriously. 90% of the girls that follow a man from the dance floor to his room and hookup regret it once any conversation starts. When I have a crush or am dating a girl, I want to dance with her. I want to be close to her. I want to love her tender, but that's not an intimacy i can share with some shallow strobe light stranger. no matter how sexy the groove, no matter how hot the ass, no matter if she knows every lyrics to a lil john song, I ain't gonna hit shit unless I'm dating/care about the shit, and even then, it ain't gonna be to shitty hip hop music. even in my most innebriated of states, if I hate the music, I hate dancing to it, and I hence proclaim that I will no longer tolerate hateful dancing for the sake of being considered socially adequate. DONE

so after leaving the dance club alone, I made a nightly routine of exploring the huge ship in search for a group of people to hang out with. I introduced myself to 20+ girls this way, and some of the girls were cool, but there was no good smart way of meeting up with them later cuz we all went our separate ways and i was almost never in my stateroom where they could call me. oh well. i never actually did find a consistent group to hang with as i did last cruise, but i learned that that was mostly because I didn't come on the cruise with anyone but my occupied sisters. On the last cruise, we came with family friends and already had a substantial group and it was easy to meet other people. oh well. no biggie. kind of annoying though.

One of my more annoying experiences was when I sat down in a hot tub to idly chat with 4 nice looking girls, and all was going well until they found out that this fatty fuck in his twenties lived near them, and suddenly all the the conversation suddenly revolved around such questions as "DO U KNOW THE DAIRY QUEEN AT NORTHPORT? NEAR THE FIRE STATION? OMG I WENT THERE ONCE! IT WAS GOOD!" and he fucking interrupted me like 8 fucking times. I think he was a ter. why? because he told everyone that he saved an old lady's life, who, since she had no heirs, decided to pay for his full college education at NORTHFUCKINGWESTERN, and he has since become a fireman. it could all be true, but it seemed so fucking fake. gah. what a dickhead. dickhead with a thing for highschool grads. annoying. so anyways after the conversation had been fattyjacked, I left and masturbated or something pathetic. no, i didn't masturbate on the whole trip, nor have i in the past 2 weeks. yay. tmi.

FUTURESKAGGS:
The first night we were on the boat, there was a show in the theatre, which actually featured some sweet state of the art lighting effects and what not. pretty sweet. anyways. The guy performing was this fat greasy long haired blonde curly haired pudge fiftysomething that apparently had done some work with the Beach Boys :shock: . He brought a guitar onstage. Needless to say, the only thing that came into my mind was..... JOHN SKAGGS. PINK EEEYYYYYYYEEEEE. this guy totally embodied him. a shitload of butchered shit unfunny jokes intertwined with halfass guitar impressions of famous people with long greasy hair and overweight figure. damn. skaggs skaggs skaggs. this guy made some shitty joke about Nebraska being so flat that when he was on the road, he noticed that ever time he put his foot on the brakes, the brakelights on the car in front of him would turn on, until he realized that it was HIS CAR BECAUSE HOLY SHIT NEBRASKA IS FUCKING FLAT. after that, my dad walked out. it was actually my parents' anniversary that night, and two hours after he walked out, they still couldn't find eachother, until they both made their way to Princess Idol, the American Idol knockoff, where every day of the week 12 contestants would rock the karaoke and be voted on by the audience, and the winners would have a showdown on the last day of the cruise. my dad sang. he picked "i can't help falling in love with you" a la elvis prestley. my mom broke down. it was cute as hell.
sorry the picture is shitty

anyways, my dad saved the day, and later that night, they had sex.


the girl on the left - butterfaceandpersonality
the guy on the right - vigilante hick who lost his virginity to his friend's mom
me and brunette sis emily met these guys just walkin around. we talked a little bit, and even though we knew we didn't have much in common with them, we just wanted to have a group and hang out. we offered them some alcohol to consummate our friendship, and then they totally used us. i ended up getting really sick of them really fast, mostly because they self-proclaimed their stupidity and their anti college sentiment, drank all our alcohol, and had nothing interesting going for them. screw that. she did have nice legs though. i'm a big fan of legs. i still won't dance with a girl with good legs though. she he has to kick ass


here's a pic of one of the pools, complete with outsideh humungo TV which was always playing something annoying, like Grease. fuck grease. why'd ya grease the lightnin


this picture was taken after i said fuck nightclubs and after i got severely burnt. i wasn't happy.

horsebackriding:
maybe i'll post the pictures of me riding later... i seemed to have misplaced em. at jamaica we did this nose-to-ass horseback riding up these mountainous reegions and back down tot he beach... it was actually pretty cool and beautiful and the guides were great. it was nose-to-ass, so we could never canter or gallop which sucked... but oh well. i've only been able to do that once in my life, and it fuckin ruled. anyways, after we got back, we changed into our swimsuits, and so did the horses. we then gallopped around in the water which just about drowned the horses. the horses hated every second of it, but it was fun as hell. good times.


sorry... but i think my mirror pictures kick ass

Cozumel Scuba
there was a big fiasco as to whether or not we'd be able to scuba dive cuz we got our cruise reservations really late. there was an opening for cozumel so we took it. cozumel has my favorite water. look

(unrelated: our ship's on the right. just as wide, but so much fuggin bigger and longer, like my dick compared to john's. that top part with the windows is where the club was. fuck nightclubs)
anyways, throughout the whole trip, we were plagued with people talking way too long about stupid superfluous shit that everyone already knew. scuba guy was no exception. basically gave us a 20 minute refresher course will we were all suited up in our 120 degree wetsuits AND bcd and tank and flippers...... here's my hot bod. i seem to be missing a bulge somewhere

you can imagine how hot that shit got in the sun while carrying a tank. damn. sucked hard, but when we got into the water, it was WELLLL worth it. when you're down there, you forget everything wrong with life. you're cool, relaxed, you're in an alternate world... all of you college goers should look for a scuba program at your school... i bet they have something for it. it is soooooo wonderful. you have to get certified to do it. please do. so fucking worth it. there's so much to it. the weightlessness, the relaxation, etc. you can casually drift way and enjoy the surroundings as a current passes you by or you can super sleuth and look for shit (as i did, and found a lot of stuff, including sea horses, and a long ass exposed black spotted moray eal). it was hella fun.


this picture brings me to my next memory. hahaha this shit makes me laugh so much. anyways, while we were at cozumel, we took advantage of a duty free store run by english struggling mexicans. the above was posted next to a cash register. the whole thing is riddled with confusing shit (ex. "DON'T WORRY WE CLOSED UNTIL THE SHIP LEAVE" when they really meant, "don't worry. we are open as long as your ship is docked" quite the opposite). You'll also notice the use of the word "ubicated". hmmmmmm ubicated. i was pretty sure that wasn't a word. i asked around, and no one had heard of the word ubicated. hahhaha pretty damn good word if u ask me. anyways, today, I looked up the verb form ubicar on babelfish in spanish, and it means "to locate". a lot of spanish and english words go back and forth and are easy to translate, but ubicar doesn't as easily translate to english (i think it's close to the word ubiquitous, which means like exists everywhere). anyways. they meant to say located. ubicated. i'm gonna start using that from now on hahaha.

ADULTS AND ELEVATORS
elevators aren't that fun. once you get over the infantile stage of wanting to press da buttons, elevators quickly lose their appeal. you just stand there, and wait for it to move. this is not so for adults. let me tell you something i learned about adults and elevators. adults somehow find a way to say the stupidest superfluous shit when they're in an elevator. maybe they're just sensitive to awkward silence, but everyone suddenly wants to put in their two cents of retardation:
<door opens>
"going up?"
"yup goin up. still goin up"
"up up and away"
<door closes>
"is this four"
"nope, three"
"three... that's a magic number"
"third times a charm"
"yup"
"sure is"
"boy howdy"

looking through that conversation, one will find that there is nothing substantial or interesting that was said. my mom didn't partake, but my dad was all about these stupid routine conversations. i told him about my feelings towards adults and elevators... and he'll probably feel self-conscious about it in the future, or he'll start doing it more just to bother me.... hahaha both are pretty funny just as long as he knows. he's the one who told me that he wants to start wearing flambuoyant old man clothing because he's at the age where he doesn't care any more. fine with me as long as i'm allowed to poke fun at his geriatricity. hahah he's only 45. dorkalork

ALL YOU CAN EAT CRABSHRIMPLOBSTER BUFFET
the first day of the cruise, we hadn't settled our dinner plans (it's customary to have your own table in the dining room, but we couldn't get one in until the second day) so we went to a buffet that offered an unlimited supply of crab legs, shrimp, and lobster claws.... DROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.... we had just had a caviar and champagne combo in some bar (how fucking snooty does that sounds) and I had a little too much to drink, so I'm in my happy as a pig in shit innebriated state with what is probably my most favorite food in the world: shellfish. I got two big ass platters full of the shit, and it was the second time in my life that I had actually gotten FULL from shellfish. it is such a rare special feeling. makes a man feel good.

anyways... to sum up... I had one hell of a trip. it was wonderful from beginning to end. 90% of the performances on the ship were hilarious and high quality (including a comedy hypnotist... btw.... HYPNOTISM IS REAL)
I only really wish that I had come with a group of friends so that I could've met more people.... the whole trip i was a fucking lone ranger in a world full of beautiful girls when all I really wanted WASN'T A PIECE OF ASS, but a cruise-long friendship. too bad

thanks for reading
read the fucking thread

cliffs: shit i talk about
1) night clubs fucking suck
2) fattyjack
3) Futureskaggs
4) butterfaceandpersonality
5) fuck you
6) big hairy animal between our legs
7) sexy hot wetsuit
8) ubication
9) all-you-can-eat-lobster

[ƒÛƒâƒÙƒãƒä]

IBT

[greggyboy]

wow

[daria]

you are pretty cuet

[greggyboy]

that's a one big boat

[suffocate]

oh my god words

[greggyboy]

Originally Posted by daria703

you are pretty cuet

Scuse me, miss, have you camwhored yet this evening?

Edit: just checked the orange shirt thread--cuet pic

[geremology101]

okay. I'm gonna find my laptop, turn it on, lay on my bed, and read this thread. every. single. word

[Vendetta]

what cruise line

[zitboy]

Originally Posted by geremology101

okay. I'm gonna find my laptop, turn it on, lay on my bed, and read this thread. every. single. word

Truly amazing

[CheeseDick]

i'll be in the bahamas next weekend.

[zitboy]

Originally Posted by Vendetta

what cruise line

Princess Cruises

state of the art outworking equipment

[Grumpy]

the dairy queen at northport does inded ROCK!!!!!11!!

[peniswart]

not another tom cruise thread

[zitboy]

Originally Posted by Grumpy

the dairy queen at northport does inded ROCK!!!!!11!!

I'll fattyjack yo ass