waffles v. conan o'brien

[Poked in the Face]

"Earlier tonight, President Bush announced his nominee for the Supreme Court and it was expected to be a woman from New Orleans. Which is surprising because experts say if he wanted a Southerner who sits around in a robe all day he should have picked Kevin Federline."

"It was reported today that rocker Tommy Lee has proposed to Pam Anderson and the two of them are going to be married for the third time. Apparently, when Tommy Lee proposed this time, he got down on the wrong knee and nearly crushed his penis."

"Jude Law had publicly apologized to his fiance for sleeping with his children's nanny. Afterwards, Law said, 'I guess I really have been in everything this year.'"

"The other day in Kentucky, a woman gave birth to a 14-pound baby boy. The baby is doing fine, but the mother is still screaming."

"The guy who played the cop in the Village People was arrested on drug charges and spent this past weekend in prison. He says being in prison is a lot like being in the Village People- except with less gay sex."

"Last night President Bush announced that he was nominating Judge John Roberts to the Supreme Court. Bush said he picked Roberts because he had 'one of the finest legal minds since Matlock.'"

"This week President Bush hosted a state dinner for the Prime Minister of India. There was an awkward moment when Bush urged the Indian Prime Minister to clean his plate because there were people starving in his country."

"USA Today reports that Willie Nelson has written an advice book. Willie's first piece of advice: use chapter one to roll a joint."

"Hurricane Emily continues to batter the Gulf Coast. Forecasters say if it hits Texas, it could force thousands of Mexicans to flee to Mexico."

"Sean 'P Diddy' Combs says he's tired of his latest name and he's planning on changing it again. Now, instead of Sean 'P Diddy' Combs it's going to be Sean 'Who Gives a Crap' Combs."

"Parents across the country are furious because the video game "Grand Theft Auto" contains hidden sex scenes. The parents say "We bought our kids 'Grand Theft Auto' so they could be exposed to violent car-jackings, not sex."

"Yesterday, Canada joined Spain by becoming one of the only countries to legalize gay marriage. As a result, Canada and Spain are going to spend the weekend antiquing in Vermont."

"In Iraq, the U.S. Military wants to disperse angry rioters by using a new weapon called a 'microwave beam.' Officials say that the microwave beams work perfectly, the trouble is getting the rioters to stand on a slowly revolving plate."

"This week, Mike Tyson won a battle with the city of Phoenix to build a pigeon coop - even though he never received a permit. Which makes this the first fight Tyson has won in five years. "

"Michael Jackson says he wants to move to Berlin, Germany because he's fallen in love with the city. When they heard this, officials in Berlin said, 'Great. Now we're going to have to build another wall.'"

"Yesterday President Bush had breakfast with Supreme Court Nominee John Roberts. Afterwards, Bush said he's never seen a better-qualified candidate for the Supreme Court, while Roberts said he's never seen a grown man eat Count Chocula. "

"After Jude Law was caught sleeping with his nanny, his ex-wife replaced her with a woman who's old enough to be Jude Law's mother. As a result Ashton Kutcher is now sleeping with Jude Law's nanny."

"In a recent interview, former American Idol star Kelly Clarkson says that she needs to widen her fan base. In a related story, Ruben Studdard says that he needs to widen his front door. "

"Scientists in Pittsburgh are researching the way cocaine affects brain chemistry by testing it on rats. The scientists say that after weeks of testing, the rats owe them $300 and won't shut up."

"In Iraq, American helicopters are dropping teddy bears with tiny parachutes attached in order to improve relations with Iraqi children. However, the plan may have backfired because Iraqi children now think that America is really gay."


more quotes here

http://www.nbc.com/nbc/Late_Night_with_Conan_O'Brien/quotables/index.shtml

[igneus]

PULL THE LEVER

[dirty sanchez]

wwe wrestling > *

edit: tl, dr

[Poked in the Face]

Originally Posted by dirty sanchez

wwe wrestling > *

edit: tl, dr

no ninja

[MyWenis]

> conan

[surreal]

Originally Posted by igneus

PULL THE LEVER

WRONG LEVVEERR

[wtf]

Originally Posted by igneus

PULL THE LEVER

!!!!

[chriachrias]

Originally Posted by MyWenis

> conan

nosir

[Poked in the Face]

in your face

[MyWenis]

Originally Posted by igneus

PULL THE LEVER

I can't help it...i'm a born Liverpooler

[Boy George]

Originally Posted by igneus

PULL THE LEVER

[Spazikstan]

Originally Posted by igneus

PULL THE LEVER

[Poked in the Face]

lever the pull

[daria]

that's long

[Poked in the Face]

just ad blocked your avatar daria