Thursday Joke Thread (v. thatsa spicy meatabolla)

[superllamapoop]

What do you call a pimple on an Italian?
A grease fitting.

Why don't Italians have freckles?
They all slide off.

How do you brainwash an Italian?
Give him an enema.

What language do the Vatican Police speak?
Pig Latin!

What do you call an Italian with an I.Q. of 180?
Sicily.

Why did the Italian staple his nuts together?
"If you can't lick 'em, join 'em"

Q. Why is Italy shaped like a boot?
A. Do you think they could fit all that shit in a tennis shoe?

Q. How does an Italian count his goats?
A. He just counts the legs, and divides by four.

Q. How did they advertise surplus W. W. II Italian rifles for sale?
A., "Never fired, and only dropped once."

Q. Why does the new Italian Navy use glass bottomed boats?
A. So they can steer clear of the old Italian Navy.

Q. Why is Italian bread so long?
A. So they can dip it into the sewer.

Q. How is the Italian version of Christmas different?
A. One Mary, one Jesus, and 32 Wise guys.

Q. Who really killed John F. Kennedy?
A. Two hundred Italian sharpshooters.

Q. How does an Italian get into an honest business?
A. Usually through the skylight.

Q. How do Italian girls shave their legs?
A. They lie down outside and have someone mow them.

Q. What does FIAT stand for?
A. Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights.

Q. What do you get when you cross an Italian and a Pollack?
A. A guy who makes you an offer you can t understand.

Q. How do you kill an Italian?
A. Smash the toilet seat on the back of his head when he is getting a drink.

Q. If Tarzan and Jane were Italian, what would Cheetah be?
A. The least hairy of the three.

Q. What did the barber say to the Italian kid?
A. Do you want your hair cut or should I just change the oil.?

Q. Why do Puerto Ricans throw their trash away in clear plastic bags?
A. So Italians can go window shopping.

Q. What s an innuendo?
A. An Italian suppository.

Q. Why do Italian men have mustaches?
A. So they can look like their mothers.

Q. Why are most Italian men named Tony?
A. When they got on the boat to America they stamped To NY (Tony) on their foreheads.

Q. How do you make an Italian?
A. Put a black in one hand, a Jew in the other, and slam them together. WOP!

[Fraulein UberBooben]

*crickets chirp*

[rabidrooster]

What do you get when you cross a Gorilla with an isajeep?







One dumbass gorilla.

[ViriiK]

Your jokes sucks..

Go fuck your mother in her eye sockets

[Vivek]

You fail at Thursday Joke Thread.

[Coqui]

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin. "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

[Vannaroth]

i didnt get quite a few of them

[iwantsomegaysexnowdamni]

Originally Posted by Juan Pablo Diaz

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin. "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

[Penelope]

lmfao italians deserve to be attacked, they have a freaking worse modern military record than the french

[superllamapoop]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[Coqui]

Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Piddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Piddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could,

"I'm afraid Piddles is dead, Lucy."

"So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.

At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Piddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg
and lift Piddles up to heaven."

Little Lucy seemed to take her Piddles' death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work, Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this morning."

Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!" "Well", mumbled Lucy, "soon after you left for work this morning I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, "Oh Jesus!!! I'm coming, I'm coming!!!" and if it hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy".

[TheMorlock]

someone do the daddy longlegs one. I'm too groggy and will screw it up

[Jade Robbins]

roofles on teh milkman

[cdscrazyman16]

Late one evening, an officer was parked outside a local pub. He noticed a man leaving the bar who was so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing. After the intoxicated man had tried his keys on five different vehicles, he managed to find his car and fall into the driver_sq__sq_s seat.

He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off, flicked the indicators on, tooted the horn, and then finally switched on the lights. He remained stationery for a few more minutes as more cars left the parking lot. After what seemed like an eternity, he pulled out of the lot and started to drive slowly down the road.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over, and carried out a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station; this equipment must be broken.”

“I doubt it,” said the man, “tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

[Coqui]

^