yeah what do you think

[RockMeRejects]

I know it's hard for people outside of a relationship to understand or accurately assess what's going on in the relationship, but this has been on my mind for quite some time and I want SOME kind of advice from you guys.

I've been dating this guy since October, and I'm generally happy with him. He's fun, sweet, hilarious, good listener, etc, etc. We've had some problems in the past that we've worked through, but I'm starting to wonder if I've just been too understanding of what he's done. I could be a complete idiot for overlooking some things, and someone said that all signs point to "he's cheating on you!," so I come to the [m] to get some more input. I'm really trusting, which I will admit, has burned me in the past - let me know if I'm making the same mistake already.

He has an ex-girlfriend who has the same name as me (spelled slightly different), and he is still good friends with her. She broke up with him and they ended on good terms, she goes to a different college, and apparently likes some boy there (that's what I hear from the bf). He says his parents really liked her and that they're in denial about them breaking up. Every time he has told them they're through, supposedly they say things like "oh, no you're not, come on!" His mom tried pressuring him into getting her a Christmas present, to which he told me he replied “No, mom, we’re through” and walked out. She got him a Christmas present – a flask. I don’t think he got her anything.

His parents still don’t know about me because they’re in denial about this girl, which is fucked up considering he’s pretty close with his parents and we’ve been dating 6 months and he wants me to come home with him in a few weeks to see something in their hometown. She didn’t find out about me until about a month ago where he broke down and told her because I was so upset about something that happened:

A week after Valentine’s day I was in his room and I went to throw some stuff away and knocked a whole bunch of shit out of his trash can. I started picking it up and shoving it back in, and when I put one thing in I saw my name, and then realized wtf that’s not my name. I picked it up and it was a Valentine’s day card from his ex. There was a hole puncher on the front, and on the inside it said “I love you a whole punch!” and said “Thanks for being my Valentine, have a GREAT day!! <3 her” or something like that. No, I wasn’t snooping, it was a completely random happening. I asked him casually about it and he said that she called him and asked if they could exchange gifts so she wouldn’t feel left out on V-day, and he said yes. She sent him a big tin of chocolates and that card, he sent her chocolate, no card. I was pretty torn up about that, but believed him.

So, it was a week after that that he decided he should tell her we’re together so she wouldn’t do shit like that again. He told me that she was really upset when she found out he had a girlfriend, but he didn’t understand why since she had broken up with him. He decided that it was because he had had better luck than her in the dating business, and wouldn’t tell me anything else.

2 weeks ago during our spring break he visited her at her college (they have a different spring break). They took bars and ecstasy and went to a club with her and her friends…two nights in a row. He came home both nights and didn’t stay there, but seriously, ecstasy with an ex girlfriend in a club when you won’t go to a club with your current one? The second night he took all of the people back to his house since their spring break had started, and she spent the night there along with a bunch of other people.

Throughout all of this he’s told me that there’s no one worth cheating on me with, he loves me, this other girl is completely out of the picture and every time I ask, it’s those responses. I try not to be the jealous girlfriend, but this is all so shady that I don’t even know what to think anymore.

If this were going on with you, would you be lying about it to keep things straight with your current girlfriend? Do you think something happened over spring break? (I told him I hope he didn’t dance with too many girls at the club and he got pissed and turned it around on me saying that I let boys kiss me when I dance which is completely unrelated and before we met, but then he calmed down and said that he didn’t get any action and wasn’t looking for any). Boo

[Assyrian]

Bye.

That's the one word you should say to him.

You seem like a sweet girl who's being taken advantage of and this guy is playing you well.

Good luck :-/

[Ignited]

Of course he's cheating on you, and he's doing a horrible job of covering it up.

[sweetie]

sounds like you are getting played

[tHisFaItH]

i don't know for certain but i would say yes. if you feel in your heart and stomach he is that is all you need, you will never trust him again. if you do dump him i definitely see him begging to stay with you.

[chronage]

He did ecstasy with his ex-gf 2 nights in a row? That there is enough to never trust him again. He obviously does not care that his ex is interfering with your relationship with him if he's hanging out with her. As hard as it might be, say goodbye now or you'll only get hurt worse.

[yolo]

Behaving this way towards ex's is a sign of complete disrespect for your current partner.

I would not tolerate it, and it would be a deal breaker if things did not change.

After I read "extacy" and "going out with ex-gf" I can pretty much guarantee he's cheating on you.

[blue_monk]

Drop him like a sack of potatoes.

He is cheating on you. He is playing you.

Leave him.

You deserve so much better than this.

[Cryptic]

yeah extacy+ex-gf = cheating

[RazorWind]

While I can't say for certain that the guy is cheating on you, the way he acts toward this other woman seems disrespectful, to me. I would not tolerate it, but I would also not jump immediately to conclusion that he's actually cheating on you (although I suppose that depends on what your definition of cheating is).

What I would do is tell him "I want you to stop seeing this other girl. The way you act toward her makes me feel uncomfortable." If he agrees, forgive his mistakes and get on with life. If he refuses, then leave him. You deserve better than someone who would cheat on you, but on the other hand, it would suck to throw away a perfectly good relationship over a misunderstanding.

[NNR]

Drop it like its hot. Hes playing both of you. I'm sure hes telling his ex that hes single or saying you two are having a rough time right now and hes telling you that he isn't doing anything with her. He simply wants both of you to be his gfs and doesn't want to end it with either one of you. Find a better guy.

[WeLandedOnTheMoon!]

I was thinking there was hope until you mentioned x and the club etc.
Sorry.

[RockMeRejects]

I grew a pair last night and asked him everything I wanted to know about and told him what I thought about it all. He had some interesting things to say/explain, some of which I don't buy. I will say though that things sounded a bit more promising after the conversation, but we're still going to talk and work on it because I'm not entirely convinced.

[teh scud]

it's cool that you toughened up and talked. if he's hung up on an ex, i'm not sure if there's much you can do though.

[RockMeRejects]

Originally Posted by teh scud

it's cool that you toughened up and talked. if he's hung up on an ex, i'm not sure if there's much you can do though.

he had some really nasty things to say about her. Apparently he can't ever hang out with her by themselves because she's so annoying, he hates talking to her but she never stops calling or IMing him and he feels obligated to respond. He says he's been over her for a long time and thinks nothing of her. He told me with the X and clubbing that there were a ton of people and he saw her grinding on some guy she likes all night while he danced with their other drug buddies from HS that were also rolling.