help me and my family

[Cantonese]

hi

im 15 years old and i am chinese
i have 2 sisters, 22 and 24
my parents are 59(dad) and 49(mom)

My life is totally fucked up as of october 2006.

backstory: my mom and i really never get along well, but we get along. for my age, i always talk to my parents about more mature subjects (im sure this is common), but maybe since i was 13 or 12, my mom and i have been getting farther apart, and when i was 14 or so we seldom talk at home. we also get into arguements (there are 3 holes in the wall in my house because of me)

my dad is a diferent story, hes a wonderful man, dedicates his life and time to his family, and puts himself last. he knows hes a workaholic, and i talk to him like a best friend, hes amazing, i love how he can adapt to my attitude. not your typical asian dad


okay, on to whati wanted to type since october. My mom has been always telling me she hates this family, dislikes everyone everytime she is mad. well, one time after we saw our dad off from the airport (he flies back and forth from hong kong every 2 months or so), she was kinda mad (forgot why) but told me she was gonna leave. Leave, as in leave this family, move away, etc. I took this seriusly and we were talking like opponents in a chess game..

this eventually led to more converstaions, and crying, because my mom was giving tons of reasons why she was going to leave. mostly becaue of my dad (i have emails from her in poor english apologizing and repeating these pathetic reasons). i could not believe that of the 26 years of marriage they had, she had said there was not one moment she was not happy. i was fucking pissed inside but on the outside, i had to act nice to her and be sympathetic because she was my mother

a little side story; my eldest sister (shes in korea teaching so shes out of the "bigpicture") knew this"mom leaving situation" first because she was closet to my mom and anti-dad like my mom is. i knew second, because my mom and i always have these type of converstaion and she told me. what was painful for me was keeping this secret away from my 2nd sister because she had exams, and my mom didnt want her to know and distract her. she eventually knew, and she broke in tears and yelled at my mom

alright, so my mom finally told my 2nd sister, and she was all like "fucking bitch, fuck, etc" to my mom. also, i had to fucking help my mom fucking move to her new basement home, which was really awkward....im helping my mom run away from home.
ALL THIS TIME....MY DAD IS CLUELESS AND THINKS HIS FAMILY BACK IN CANADA IS PERFECTLY FINE....my mom gave my sister and i instructions not to tell my dad. or else shed suicide/run away earlier (we (dad, 2nd sister and i) often conclude mom is crazy...)

during all this time, i only told my cloest friend of 11 years (im 15 lol) and talked to conseoullors (which werent a big help)
then suddenly, because of cancer, our paternal grandpa died in hong kong and our whole family went to HK for the funeral. this was a double whammy to us, the children, because we knew mom was gona leave, and a close family member of us had passed. fuck. life sucked cock. on the day we went back to canada (my dad stayed a bit longer ), my mom and dad fought. it was suck to watch.

so finally, my dad is coming back to canada, and my mom instructed my 2nd sister and i to pick up dad, and she was gonna leave that day . it was fucking gay, my mom is fucking gay, thinking everything revolves around her and she is all correct. i mean, what the hell are your reasons? dad doesnt udnerstand you? holy fuck thats a fucking normal thing, nobody is perfect, yor kids dont listen? im fucking 15 do you think im a perfect kid too? i need my freedom as well. holy shit this is long...

so my dad came back to canada, all psised and shit, and settled down after a week. he often needed comfort and my sister and i were always by his side, because we knew DAD > MOM

now its april, my dad left back to HK for a business, im here with my sister, and my mom CAME TO FUCKING SEE US THE DAY DAD LEFT...i mean what the fuck bitch, how can you hate someone so much that you can say you hated all the 26 years of marriage, and never talk or see him, and COME TO SEE YOUR KIDS THE FUCKING DAY HE LEAVES, i mean, that is not human. can you not think about OUR feelings?

so now she often calls us, see how we are doing, but mostly to ask for things like phone numbers or shit at home. she just called, and i got really mad beacuse in my head i was thinking "how can u care about your kids over the phone but cant just come over, fuckshit?" i hung up on her and nearly produced another hole in the walls of my home.

fuck....i am really mad/sad at this. shortened tons of mom's gay shit reasons of why she gonna leave/run from home. our fcking family.

please...help, or else my teenage years are gonna be fucked up more. i wanted to post this a long time ago, but felt it was gona be too long. as you can see...it is long..

cliffs:

-mom and i dont get along, we talk about mature stuff
-eventually she tells me she is gonna leave the family and move into a basement
-us, the children have to hide this from dad , who is oversees and it is painful
-dad comes back from oversees, gets really sad of mom, but eventually settles down
-now, dad is back oversees and he has never seen mom, but on the day he leaves the country, mom comes and sees us. fucking gay.
-please..read the whole post and help me out.

[Cantonese]

i know i didnt ask for any advice...but i really just wanted some ppl i dont know to know...and voice their opinion out....and just comment on this

[Assyrian]

Consult your sister about the idea of asking your dad to stop going to hong kong and find a different job. You can't make it just yourself and an elder sister in the house.

And for God's sake please work hard in school. Don't let this deter you from any dreams. Get to college and say fuck all to your life at home.

[Assyrian]

And relax. Your life is NOT over. You have a father who loves you and trust me, man, that's worth a lot.

[Cantonese]

being with no parents at home is not the problem, i've done it before, and i am [pretty indenpendent. right now is 634pm and my sister is doing OT for her co-op job, and i've alreay prepared dinner. discipline at home is ok, but with dad here, i think i would think less of my mom, because she would stop calling because of dads prescence...

my sister and i are really good together, good siblings, better as friends, even with a 7 year gap. we go thru this together, shes 100% on my dad's side, but I've told those family friends that talk to me when my mom met me that i am on neither side because i dont want to cause more troubles, but inside, i am on my dad's side.

i love my dad...

[ice109]

sucks but i don't know what you could possibly want to happen? sounds like your mom is psycho. do you want her to reunite with your father? you should probably just deal and begin to move on.

[sir tex]

Originally Posted by Assyrian

Consult your sister about the idea of asking your dad to stop going to hong kong and find a different job. You can't make it just yourself and an elder sister in the house.

And for God's sake please work hard in school. Don't let this deter you from any dreams. Get to college and say fuck all to your life at home.

QFT

[Adidas > *]

Yeah man, my mom is asian, so I can relate a bit.

First off, you have to stop punching holes in the wall. That's a bit intense. Find something else to punch, yeah?

Good. Keep your shit together. As bad as you think your life may be, it can always be 10 times worse. Things work themselves out in the end. Keep at it and like the other said - stick with the school. It's vital.

Life is not going to be easy, but no one ever said it would be. The next few years are gonna be a rollercoaster, so I have no other advice other than to just hang in there; life gets better.

[Bunghole]

Your mom sounds crazy but we don't know her side of the story.

[5ive]

If your mom is threatening to commit suicide, you have to contact a family member or something to get her some help.

[Cantonese]

thanks for all your advice

here is more about mymom:

-she told me she just married my dad because she disliked HER family, and wanted to get away
-she told me on the streets of london she was crying during their honeymoon and already disliked my dad (wtf...)
-she told me she had ran away before for a few months when i wasnt born and my sisters were like 3 and 5
-she told me dad never listens to her opinions and always treats her like a little girl
-she told me that dad always opposed her opinions and denies her opinions
-she told me my dad is dumb, is in huge debt, and keeps borrowing money (for his business he is the owner)
-she told me her reason to leave is 50% dad, 25% sisters, and 25% me (the arguements we had i guess...we didnt get along well in the last 1-2years)

[Cantonese]

5ive, my mom avoids most ppl, and she thinks she is correct. telling her to get help will make her even go crazy, because thatsj ust telling her she is wrong....

what made me really mad is the time i saw her, she was talking to one of her friends, "Dont i look much better now?" meaning that she hadnt seen dad for like 3 months and was living by herself

an egotastic and such a confident person is really hard to confront them about the truth how they are wrong....

[falanx]

Originally Posted by Cantonese

thanks for all your advice

here is more about mymom:

-she told me she just married my dad because she disliked HER family, and wanted to get away
-she told me on the streets of london she was crying during their honeymoon and already disliked my dad (wtf...)
-she told me she had ran away before for a few months when i wasnt born and my sisters were like 3 and 5
-she told me dad never listens to her opinions and always treats her like a little girl
-she told me that dad always opposed her opinions and denies her opinions
-she told me my dad is dumb, is in huge debt, and keeps borrowing money (for his business he is the owner)
-she told me her reason to leave is 50% dad, 25% sisters, and 25% me (the arguements we had i guess...we didnt get along well in the last 1-2years)

i'm asian and i've gone through your situation before but not as bad

granted you like your dad more and he may seem like the good guy in all of this but after reading what i bolded, maybe there's more to the story than you know. i mean your mom does sound pyscho but maybe your dad treating your mom like that for all those years finally made her crack? at the same time i don't think it's right of her to place any of the blame on you guys, it's not your fault that any of you were born and maybe your mom wasn't emotionally prepared

i'm just glad you're keeping yourself levelheaded in the midst of all of this. life may suck right now but at least you have your health, friends, loving father, roof over your head, an education, food to eat, etc. some people don't even have any of that so be keep focusing on the good things in your life and don't dwell on the bad things

stay strong man and good luck to you

[toasterstreudel]

a big part of growing up is realizing your parents aren't perfect.

because of my experience, i will advise the following:

-don't ever act as a go-between for them. if they are having problems communicating or maintaining a healthy relationship,let them deal with it themselves. don't ever act or say things on behalf of one parent to the other, because if you don't know what they mean or you don't know the half of it, you just create unneeded conflict.
(this is if your parents even maintain contact)
- do NOT idealize your father and completely alienate your mother. who knows she may be certifiably insane, but chances are at one point you will want to reconnect with her. she's your MOM for christ's sake. also, im sure you know you're dad isn't perfect. don't use this experience to distort your perception of your father into something OVERLY positive. for all you know, he is in huge debt(something parents usually seem to lie about to their kids). also, sounds like he spends a lot of time away from you working. the point is, don't make your dad look like the good guy and your mom the bad guy. they are PARENTS, and neither of them is right or wrong. hope that made sense.

[theNoid]

1.

I'm totally sorry to hear about your situation. Being a dependant, teenager is tough because you have little options. I wont judge either your mom or your dad because there is always 2 sides to every story.. But in short, it sounds like your mom is selfish and requires more attention then both you and your sisters, and you dad can give her.

She will likely live the rest of her life in shambles in search of something she'll never find. I understand your frustration, just stick with it. Do what you can POSITIVELY for your family and try to be there for your sisters if you can.

Time heals wounds, so just take it one day at a time.