Best Kill Story EvAr

[SupermanwOOt]

Hopefully this isn't a , it was just too funny and I had to share:

Originally posted by MarksSupra33
FROM A SUPRA FORUM

Guys I read all these posts about these awesome kill stories against supercars, most not even true, but man I just had to tell you about my awesome, awesome race, just like the ones that you guys have. So I was cruisin around town with my bitches and my dog and then I get out onto the highway and a McLaren F1 pulls up next to me! So I'm like, "You've got mail, muthafucka," and that mofo stomps the gas and I'm like "Woa, bitches and dog, hold on!" So I stomp the gas too and I am goin so so fast and of course the bitches are all givin me head, cuz that's what happens in these stories, and my dog's all goin wild and barkin and shit, so my second turbo kicks in and he keeps gettin further away.

I push my first NOS button, got a little closer. So I push my second NOS button, even closer! I'm gettin there! So I push my third NOS button! CLOSER! Fourth NOS button! TOUCHING HIS BUMPER! FIFTH NOS BUTTON! I am side by side with a mclaren F1! I AM SO FAST! So I gotta go faster so I decide to undo my targa top and let it fly off, and I start throwing bitches out the window. I kept my dog, because it's my dog and I wanna keep it. I'm doing 276 and a half miles an hour, cats that were hiding in my car start jumping out the window, by now I'm being chased by 7 helicopters, but with the weight savings that I completed, I took the lead! Conveniently placed just 30 feet away was a finish line, and I crossed it just a hair ahead of the F1! I pulled over, let the helicopters catch up to me, Vin Diesel showed up and told me I should've double clutched, but all I have is an automatic. Anyway they gave me the trophy, and me and my dog walked home after some Asian guys shot up my car. But I was still happy, because I beat a McLaren F1 and I got some respect. Beat that, bitches.
1.


They warned me, but I had to do it. I found the other two best racers in the world, GeoKillerTT and DamnCar. I knew the Mclaren F1 and Geo Metro would be childs play compared to these high performance drivers, in their Soopra Twin Turbos. But regardless of the terror it may cause or the hearts it would break, I had to race them, and prove ultimate supremacy over the Supraforums races that never even happened.Approaching my favorite stoplight, I saw them both. I had previously shot each of their cars with a whale tracking device so that I would know when both of their cars were together. I just received a reading on my Gaydar that both were stopped at the 450/Rt. 3 stoplight. I flipped down my racing mask on my motorcycle helmet, and I pushed the gas. The bitches in my car were like, "Ohhhhhh Mark you're sooooooooo sexy." But I was like, "Bitches, now is not the time." So I began throwing the bitches out the window immediately. Against these two high performance drivers, I had no time to waste, and could not be weighed down from the start. I flipped off my targa top and it conveniently laid right in the road for another 18 wheeler to run over and cost me another 900 dollars, but I didn't care, because I was going to race for slips. My trusty dog was with me, so I knew I had luck on my side. As I emerged from the turn, I saw them there, waiting at the green light for me. They knew I was coming. Any true high performance driver can sense competition nearing.As I pulled toward them, many thoughts entered my head.

I remembered what Vin told me about double clutching, but then I remembered that I have an automatic, so that wouldn't do me any good. I remembered that I needed more NOS than they both had, so I lifted up my driver's seat and revealed 25 500 shot bottles of NOS. Dog said, "ARF!" and I sensed that he knew I meant business this time. I was ready to race, Supraforums Bullshit style. I approached and pulled right in between both of them. "Well hello, bitches," I said. "WHAT?! MarksSupra33? I thought you were banned?" exclaimed GeoKillerTT."Only for a little while, but I'm back to show you perpetratin' muthafuckas who the real McCoy is when it comes to the Imaginary Races That Could Never Possibly Happen.""Damnit, GeoKillerTT,

I don't know if my damn car can handle the speed and power of MarksSupra33 and his awesome driving style. I didn't know it was HIM coming, who would've thought he'd be back?" said DamnCar."Nevermind that, bitches," I said. "We have business to attend to. You muthafuckas............have mail."And it was on.Dog got ready, and I started gunning the engine to make a lot of smoke cuz I burn oil like a bitch and it's sexy racing in fog. I looked toward GeoKillerTT as he fastened his doors tight so they wouldn't fall off. DamnCar was fastening his talking Hamster into his custom tiny Corbeau racing seat. We all gunned our engines, and random bitches showed up to start the race. As they all took off their shirt for me and then dropped the underwear in their hands, we took OFF!Since we all have the EXACT same car (and I mean exact), we were neck and neck! "Let the NOS pushing begin, ******s!" yelled GeokillerTT. Swoosh, swoosh, SWOOSH! NOS everywhere! Flying by I could barely see all the titties that the girls were flashing at me, but I didn't care.

I wanted to be the best. I kept pushing to NOS Buttons, my car was screaming. Approaching 350 mph, my car began to FLY! I was wondering why, because my gigantic park bench spoiler should keep it on the ground. I looked over into my passenger seat and E.T. was sitting there! No wonder I was flying! "E.T., get the fuck out of my car!" I said. "Okay, sorry." I threw E.T. out of the window for weight savings, and I dropped back down to the road. Still neck and neck, I knew NOS wouldn't save me this time. I needed.........CORDEEZ!I pulled over for a pit stop, and I called Cordeez. "Cordeez, I need a triple turbo upgrade, and FAST!" "Sure Mark, I'll be right there, you awesome studly high performance driver." Cordeez showed up with some hot bitch mechanics that he's always having sex with. Right away they got to work, and had my three custom, triple-ball bearing, T88 turbos on my car! I said thanks and took off! "Man, that guy sure is awesome," Cordeez said, as the girls were all rubbing themselves and moaning.I caught up to GeoKillerTT and DamnCar in no time, since this was a 50 mile straight race. We were at mile 45 and I had to pull even with them and give them the middle finger. That's exactly what I did. Talking Hamster gave me the bird in return. But I was like, "Jokes on you, little ******." and my dog hopped into DamnCar's Damn Car, and unfastened Talking Hamster's seat belt! He went flying out the window! DamnCar veered off to save the hamster. One down, now I had to deal with GeoKillerTT. He was already crying because he knew he would lose, not having three triple ball-bearing T88s like I had. I knew just how to handle him. I opened up my broken center console and pulled out a Geo Metro! (they're really tiny cars) I threw the vehicle right at him, and hit him right in the face! BOOM! His car exploded. "Serves that guy right, picking on Geo's."

I said to Dog. I was home free. As I approached mile 50, Vin Diesel and everyone was waiting for me. I crossed the finish line, and hit my e-brake so that I did 35 360 degree spins to get style points. There were three bitches with their tits busting out of their shirts that proceeded to hold up scorecards that read 10. I knew they wanted to have sex with me. So that's exactly what I did. Afterwards, I came outside and everyone hoisted me up onto their shoulders. They hoisted Dog, too. I knew that we were the champions of the That Shit Could Never Even Fucking Happen, Mark races. I was the best driver in the world, and I still had my dog with me. I doubt that any kill could ever top this one. I am the king of high performance.Disclaimer: No animals were actually harmed in the making of this race. It's all just , really.

[Black Box]

christ, cliffs.

[odecom5]

Originally Posted by Black Box

christ, cliffs.

these are cliffs enough:

kept pushing to NOS Buttons, my car was screaming. Approaching 350 mph, my car began to FLY!

[ScHpAnKy]

holy shit that was really fucking funny

[Ballz2TheWallz]

[dbdragger]

Thats good stuff, def worth the read!

[Ice]

ahahaha

[tobrien]

good shit

[VladTemplar]

Fucking lawl

[syntheasia]

"Dog said, "ARF!" and I sensed that he knew I meant business this time"


BEST line in that story

[Formaldehyde]

AHAHAH AWESOME

[stapler]

Originally Posted by Formaldehyde

AHAHAH AWESOME

[jarhed13]

[L1n34r_3urn()]

I remembered what Vin told me about double clutching, but then I remembered that I have an automatic, so that wouldn't do me any good.

hahaha

[Gloibin]

park bench spoiler