so what do you do on dates anyway?

[worldwiser]

First off, I'm basically new to girls. I'm 19, I work at a kind of interesting job, take a few community college classes (just because I'm not sure what to do yet), I'm kinda smart, I'm funny, I'm a good guitarist, I'm always in good shape and I'm confident from what I know and from what girls have told me that I'm physically attractive. I'm not trying to sound conceited, just establishing what I'm coming from. My problem is that I'm extremely picky about people. Throughout all of high school, I've always just kinda brushed off all girls who flirted with me or expressed interest in me. I never really liked any of them because they always seemed to be too shallow, simple minded, uninteresting, etc. for me to see myself feeling an attachment to them.

I've only been on two "dates." In fact, I would hardly even call them dates. Both of them were during my junior year of high school. One of them was seeing a movie with a really boring girl who brought her scary female cousin. The other was with some girl who told me (through her friend) that she thinks I'm hot, then took me to a metal show and got on my nerves by being really shy, awkward and negative the whole time. The only "relationship" I've ever been in was with a girl who I was already close friends with for 6 months prior. We were just hiking one day and started making out. However, 2 months after that we went back to being just friends. We never actually "dated."

Fast forward a few years. Just a few days ago I encountered a nice looking girl in a food takeout place, and just as our eyes met we both just started talking to each other as if we had already known each other. She said we seemed to have a lot in common, so I said "well, what are your hobbies?" Then, before she could answer I said "wait, are you a musician?" and she said "Yes!" So of course, I got her number and told her I would call her back later (she goes to the same community college, so she probably wont look down on me for that part).

Last night I called her and asked her if she was free on a certain day of the week, then told her I was gonna take her out to dinner at this one restaurant on that day. I also said that we could jam later if she wanted to. She seemed kind of unsure about that second part, but agreed. Basically, all is going well so far.

So now here's where I ask the stupid questions: What should I be doing? I'm assuming this girl has more dating experience than me. I've never been on a real "date" exactly so I have no idea as to what questions she might be asking me, or what she might expect me to say/do/ask her. Is dinner and a jam session a good idea for a first date? What about for a second one? I'm kind of worried that if she knows this is my first "real" date that I will seem really desperate. I don't know how to approach the subject.

Cliffs:
1. OP has no dating experience due to being a moron and denying himself from every opportunity.
2. OP just met a girl he is interested in for the first time, and got a date with her. Now he is kind of worried because this is the first time he has gotten to know someone by dating them and not by being their friend, classmate or coworker for months.
3. OP wants some advice as to what to do, what are some good activities, and what to say if she confronts him about his "past relationships." He doesn't know how to address it without seeming desperate or arrogant.

[ABrokenPromise]

dating is whatever comes natural. I've been out of the dating scene so long that I really don't know what to do on dates these days besides act like she's your friend, but w/ a side of sex and making romantic gestures towards her. Compliments once in a while and paying for her off and on are nice as well.

Good luck though, girls always dig the music thing. That's awesome she plays too.

[theNoid]

1. Make girl laugh as much as possible.
2. Make decisions quickly, no indecisive shit.
3. Have things planned, but be able to change them if she suggests something out of what you had in mind.
4. Make girl laugh as much as possible.
5. Ask questions, let her talk.
6. If she asks you a question, answer it but don't drag it out.
7. Make girl laugh as much as possible.

8. MAKE SURE TO DROP HINTS THAT YOU ARE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO HER AND NOT HER FUCKING FRIEND. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO COMPLIMENT HER REGARDING HER LOOKS ETC. (failing to do this isn't 'nice' its detremental to your status in her mind. If you fail, you are friendzoned faster then you can say it).

9. Always remember that girls are attracted to a man, not a boy.
10. Do not act like a boy.

Also if she asks about past relationships ? you tell her the truth so it comes off natural and not strange. "I don't have any, I'm not much of a dater." Elaborate if you want be keep it short, the longer you talk the higher chance you have of saying something stupid.

Be yourself, make her laugh, be CONFIDENT, and most importantly .... be a man.

[worldwiser]

Thanks noid and promise. It all makes perfect sense. Just some things I'm not sure about. Like for #3...I know about being assertive and decisive, but what kinds of things should I have planned?

And for #8: I've never actually flirted with someone before. Sad, I know. But I basically don't know how to express attraction. My only experience with that was with a different female friend who I tried to get closer to, when I surprise-kissed her at the opportune moment and then told her how I felt. Of course she appreciated my boldness but couldn't make up her mind on what she wanted, so I gave up on her (of course she still calls me and asks me to hang out all the time, so I'm sure I didn't totally weird her out). I don't know about what body language to use to show that I'm attracted to her, or what little things I'm supposed to say to imply that, or if she could just read it in me. What am I supposed to say, "you have pretty eyes?" Will she feel overwhelmed if I told her about how picky I am?

Also, I've always had problems dealing with shyness. Not my own, but of the person I'm with. When a girl is shy and non-talkative, it makes me feel really awkward and uncomfortable and I end up saying stupid crap just to fill the space. After talking with her a few times, I get the feeling that she will probably be really shy around me and worry about what she says. What are things that I could do or say that would break the ice and get her to open up so that she can start talking and being herself? Sorry about the excessive questioning, I just really don't want to fuck it up with this one.

[JimDavidson]

A good start is just to start off with the mudane stuff. It is unlikely you can just break into amazing deep convos and hit it of instantly. Just start of with asking how she is, some family info.. sounds lame but it shows an initial interest. Following this try and find some common ground for example:
You: So do you like to travel?
Her: Yeah I have been to x,y,z
You: Cool, I went there .... this , this and this happend OR Oh I would love to go there what did you do?

Just hit it off from there and try and act as yourself. I never just try and cater to her personality I like to show what I am really like.. unless you simply want to bang. But generally it will be more interesting with conflicting views opinions and commonalities.

[[+Duracell-]]

worldwiser, for #3, just take her somewhere that you are going or would like to go, but if she mentions that she hasn't been to <insert place here> or wants to do <insert something here>, take her there instead.

Don't read into it too much. When the opportunity arises, you take it. Ex. you pick her up...compliment on how she looks or smells if she is attractive that way.

If you feel that convo is dying, just bring up stuff you like to do, or ask her what her favorite food is or whatever, and go from there.

[w00t1337]

Do you ever have homosexual thoughts?

You ever think you may be gay?

[louiethecat]

Originally Posted by theNoid

1. Make girl laugh as much as possible.
2. Make decisions quickly, no indecisive shit.
3. Have things planned, but be able to change them if she suggests something out of what you had in mind.
4. Make girl laugh as much as possible.
5. Ask questions, let her talk.
6. If she asks you a question, answer it but don't drag it out.
7. Make girl laugh as much as possible.

8. MAKE SURE TO DROP HINTS THAT YOU ARE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO HER AND NOT HER FUCKING FRIEND. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO COMPLIMENT HER REGARDING HER LOOKS ETC. (failing to do this isn't 'nice' its detremental to your status in her mind. If you fail, you are friendzoned faster then you can say it).

9. Always remember that girls are attracted to a man, not a boy.
10. Do not act like a boy.

Also if she asks about past relationships ? you tell her the truth so it comes off natural and not strange. "I don't have any, I'm not much of a dater." Elaborate if you want be keep it short, the longer you talk the higher chance you have of saying something stupid.

Be yourself, make her laugh, be CONFIDENT, and most importantly .... be a man.

QFT.

This is great advice for going out on a date.

[zëro]

What's worked out well for me so far is to just focus on making her feel comfortable around you. When you make confident decisions and plan things out well, she feels comfortable in your ability to create good times. Then again, having some flexibility and listening to her hints and reading her body language allows you to adjust plans to maximize the feeling of comfort when things change. When she's comfortable and you are too, it creates more opportunities to flirt and escalate further.

[worldwiser]

I see. Thanks for the advice. Just one more thing I'm not quite sure about...how do I check to make sure I'm being a man and not a boy? I didn't really get that part. Or is that just another way of saying be confident, decisive and assertive?

[[+Duracell-]]

Originally Posted by worldwiser

I see. Thanks for the advice. Just one more thing I'm not quite sure about...how do I check to make sure I'm being a man and not a boy? I didn't really get that part. Or is that just another way of saying be confident, decisive and assertive?

Yes

[nismo]

Originally Posted by worldwiser

I see. Thanks for the advice. Just one more thing I'm not quite sure about...how do I check to make sure I'm being a man and not a boy? I didn't really get that part. Or is that just another way of saying be confident, decisive and assertive?

ya jus act very mature but be fun and outgoing and make sure everything is about HER, girls love to talk about themselves. But you are also correct be very confident, decisive and assertive.

[The Unflushable Turd]

Originally Posted by theNoid

1. Make girl laugh as much as possible.
2. Make decisions quickly, no indecisive shit.
3. Have things planned, but be able to change them if she suggests something out of what you had in mind.
4. Make girl laugh as much as possible.
5. Ask questions, let her talk.
6. If she asks you a question, answer it but don't drag it out.
7. Make girl laugh as much as possible.

8. MAKE SURE TO DROP HINTS THAT YOU ARE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO HER AND NOT HER FUCKING FRIEND. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO COMPLIMENT HER REGARDING HER LOOKS ETC. (failing to do this isn't 'nice' its detremental to your status in her mind. If you fail, you are friendzoned faster then you can say it).

9. Always remember that girls are attracted to a man, not a boy.
10. Do not act like a boy.

Also if she asks about past relationships ? you tell her the truth so it comes off natural and not strange. "I don't have any, I'm not much of a dater." Elaborate if you want be keep it short, the longer you talk the higher chance you have of saying something stupid.

Be yourself, make her laugh, be CONFIDENT, and most importantly .... be a man.

you said laugh like 3 times. bull shit.
it doesn't help bitches like you.
well not in my case... but i guess i'm not an ordinary case am i.
lol

[[+Duracell-]]

Originally Posted by The Unflushable Turd

you said laugh like 3 times. bull shit.
it doesn't help bitches like you.
well not in my case... but i guess i'm not an ordinary case am i.
lol

Laughing means she's having fun with you. That, sir, is a plus.

[gwvg]

Originally Posted by theNoid

1. Make girl laugh as much as possible.
2. Make decisions quickly, no indecisive shit.
3. Have things planned, but be able to change them if she suggests something out of what you had in mind.
4. Make girl laugh as much as possible.
5. Ask questions, let her talk.
6. If she asks you a question, answer it but don't drag it out.
7. Make girl laugh as much as possible.

8. MAKE SURE TO DROP HINTS THAT YOU ARE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO HER AND NOT HER FUCKING FRIEND. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO COMPLIMENT HER REGARDING HER LOOKS ETC. (failing to do this isn't 'nice' its detremental to your status in her mind. If you fail, you are friendzoned faster then you can say it).

THere are much better ways to convey interest other than giving compliments. You don't give compliments unless she earns them, otherwise you look like she's the prize, not you.

Also if she asks about past relationships ? you tell her the truth so it comes off natural and not strange. "I don't have any, I'm not much of a dater." Elaborate if you want be keep it short, the longer you talk the higher chance you have of saying something stupid.

Noooooo... if you say I'm not much of a dater, she's going to assume you're a man whore. Just tell her you just got out of a relationship, and you're looking for someone more interesting. You can lead that into a conversation where she'll attempt to prove herself to you by trying to show you how interesting she is.