I Stalk Women
Complaints and Grievances... and How to Rip off Walmart
I work as a cashier/customer service/cart pusher at Walmart here in New Jersey, and I've come here to complain and point out a few things that I've started to really hate.
First of all, as a cashier, my complaints are:
-It's not my fault you can't remember your debit card pin.
-It's not my fault you maxed out your credit card.
-Stop charging candy bars, seriously, wtf.
-Who writes checks anymore, honestly... it takes for-fuckin-ever
-Stop last-minute changing your mind about items. You brought it up to the register... it's too late now.
-If you do change your mind about an item - stop hiding it behind the skittles on the shelf, we see you doing it, you're not that slick...
-You read the sign wrong, get over it, the bread is 69 cents, not 48 cents.
-If the computer says it's 19.99, it's 19.99... not 16.99 - don't hold up my line just so I can prove to you you're wrong.
-Stop bringing clothes up to the register 'because the one I want doesn't have a tag'... yes it does. Unless you ripped off the little tag on the inside which also has the UPC on it, it does have a tag. And I know when the one 'with a tag' is less expensive than the one you really want, don't try to fool me.
-Your kids are annoying.
-Yeah it's really cute when the little kid gives me the money, but not when it takes 5 minutes.
-Walmart does not have 'paid' stickers, so quit asking for them.
-The belt is NOT that dirty, you can put your clothes on it.
-If you put your clothes in a gigantic pile on the belt, you'll get them in a gigantic pile in your bag. Fold your clothe sup nicely on the belt, and you'll get them nice and folded in the bag - sound fair?
-Express lane... 10 items or less... Not 12, Not 15, not 48... 10. There's even a sign that explains this to you.
-Stop putting your potted plants on my belt... you're the reason the lady behind you doesn't want to put her clothes on it...
-I don't care if you think the scanner's beep is too loud.
-If my light is on and my line is empty... yes, I'm open, stop asking.
-You're not the first person to make the oh-so-wise 'oh you look bored' comment...
-If you don't want to enter your zip-code on the credit card pin pad, don't use American Express... it's their policy, not ours.
-No gray hair, no ID, no cigarettes. Stop whining to me about it.
-Stop hiding your condoms under other items because you're embarassed about buying them... I'm going to see them anyway. Next time someone does this I'm going to do a price check over the PA for them - even if I don't need to.
-There is no reason a white guy needs Trojan Magnums... stop fooling yourself.
-Please stop bringing your old decrepit grandma to shop at walmart...
-I really don't care how your day is going or who you're talking to on the cellphone... that's why I didn't ask.
As a customer service associate...
-You really expect me to believe you bought the CD all scratched up?
-Stop returning underwear, that's just nasty.
-Yes, we do have restrooms - find them yourself.
-We have fitting rooms for a reason, 50% of the daily returns are clothing that's 'the wrong size'...
-You don't have to tell me that huge complicated story you made up while you were standing in line about how 'it was already broken'... Just come up to the desk and admit that you didn't read the directions.
-If your return comes along with a bunch of complaints and outrageous demands, go directly to a manager, because after you're done rambling to me while I don't pay attention, I'm just going to point you to them anyway. Save yourself the trouble.
-Okay here's the deal, if you don't have a receipt, and the item doesn't show up in the computer, I know you didn't buy it at walmart, so, sucks to be you.
-Stop calling and asking if we have an item in stock, get off your lazy ass and come and see...
-I don't care if it was a present for someone and you're reall upset it doesn't work, really, I don't. Shit happens. I can't give you anything more than what you paid for it, so I hope you weren't expecting anything.
when I'm outside pushing carts...
-If you park right next to a cart that some other asshole left behind, walk by it, come inside, and grab a cart - god save you, if it is right that he should do so.
-Is it really that hard to push your cart to the corral? really?
-Do you have any idea how much effort you just put into pushing that cart up onto the little parking island? Yeah, it takes about twice that to get it off.
-Okay, I know you didn't park at the very furthest parking spot away from the store... how the fuck did the cart get over there?
-If you park right next to a cart, and leave it there, don't bitch about it when you come back and see the cart touching your car.
-If you see a clusterfuck of carts in one area, and just add your cart to the mix instead of at least starting a train, I hate you.
-Oh my god stop leaving your trash in the carts.
-I actually watched someone take a TV out of a box, put the TV in their car, put the box in the cart, and then just leave the cart in the middle of the road and drive off. I was so mad I pissed myself.
-No, you can't have one of the carts I'm pushing back to the store... why don't you grab one that's just sitting around?
How to rip off Walmart:
-Take an item to the register and tell the cashier that you saw that item at another store for $4 less than the actual cost. Congratulations, you just saved $4. We're authorized to automatically adjust the price of an item without an ad up to $5.
-Buy something at one walmart (or any store for that matter), 'lose' receipt, go to a walmart where it's more expensive, return, profit. Yes, you can return items without a receipt.
-We're not allowed to search you if the alarms go off on your way out... so feel free to stuff your pockets.
-Go into the store, grab any item off of the shelf... walk up to the customer service counter... say you want to return it but don't have a receipt... Wow, wasn't that easy? But be careful, any return over $50 without a receipt needs to be approved by a manager, so keep it low.
-Go into the store and simply say the coke machine outside ate your dollar. Congrats, new dollar.
-Buy stuff, go outside, put stuff in car, come back inside with receipt, go to customer service and tell them that you forgot a bag at the register with such and such items in it. Congratulations, you just got two for one!
-Scratch a CD? Bring it on in, tell them you lost the receipt but just want to exchange it for the same item... brand new CD, no cost.
-New software? Buy, burn, exchange for same item, rinse, repeat. You could have a billion CDkeys by christmas if you started now.
-Buy air compressor or any other expensive hardware piece you need for a project, use, finish project, bring back for full refund. Say it's 'broken' or something...
Thanks for listening to my rant.
"you guys have ruined my life" - KasemodDer
"ive taken 50 hits of acid and drank 40 beers in the same night" - Icw@ter
"It is not my fault that you guys make very shitty, low value content" - Sanjay
|07-24-2004, 05:30 PM||
OH MY GOD!!! I LOVE SUCKING COCK!!!!!
Read and besides some overly angsty parts... amusing.
"-Stop hiding your condoms under other items because you're embarassed about buying them... I'm going to see them anyway. Next time someone does this I'm going to do a price check over the PA for them - even if I don't need to.
-There is no reason a white guy needs Trojan Magnums... stop fooling yourself."
|07-24-2004, 05:36 PM||
that's some funny shit right there. thanks dude.
"Beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy."
-- Benjamin Franklin
Wearin Our BeerGoggles 24/7
|07-24-2004, 05:39 PM||
seriously, i'm the worst poster here...really
that's also why they bring small expensive items straight to the cashier now (like gameboys and digital cameras)
|07-24-2004, 05:51 PM||
this is plot from http://plot.brainwashed.us
best rant ever.
did you really piss yourself?
everything you need to know for genmay is right here:
who needs General [H]ospital when you got General [M]ayhem?
|07-24-2004, 05:51 PM||
I paid :10bux: to get back in ROFL
And btw, I simply do not carry cash with me, sorry for charging a 60 cent Snickers bar.
Edit: and regular Trojans are uncomfortable for me. It's a moot point now anyways, since I haven't worn a condom in awhile
We have connectivity to your SystemImager server!
|07-24-2004, 05:52 PM||
My cooter sweats, and reeks like rotting sea vermon.
I just grab hella shit, walk into the bathroom, stuff my pants with it, then walk out of the store.
I'm super ninja style.
Use Linux and BSD
|07-24-2004, 05:52 PM||