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AnasSplenium
 
McCormick Whiskey... Dear. God. Why.

Many of us poor college kids have suffered through that charming rubbing alcohol flavor of McCormick brand vodka. After all, how can you beat the price of 9.99 for a handle?

But I have discovered something new. Something horrible. It is a sin, it is wrong, and it is an offense before man and God. I am talking about, of course, McCormick WHISKEY. I purchased a bottle during my recent trip to springfield, mo out of morbid curiousity. The first warning sign should have been the price tag of six dollars and fifty cents (for a 750). However, I bought it, undaunted, thinking that two years of drinking McCormick vodka had so thoroughly withered my taste buds that I could drink it.

Last night, I returned and opened the bottle with my roommates. One of them smelled it. The look of shock and disgust on his face was unsettling. It wasn't an ordinary look of disgust. He looked as if the odor rising from the bottle had morally offended him. After a warning that I shouldn't smell it first, he poured up our shots.

I took his advice, keeping the shot glass far enough away that the foul scent couldn't reach me. After raising my eyes to heaven and giving a short silent prayer that God would preserve my soul, we cheersed and I took the shot.

My life flashed before my eyes. The flavor was so, so...wrong. It resembled whiskey. Sort of like a harlequin fetus resembles a healthy newborn. The horrible taste was assaulting my tongue with extreme prejudice. My mind was paralyzed with shock, but years of drinking had trained my body and I swallowed the shot by sheer reflex. The taste...lingered. Like a dead thing in my mouth. I wanted to scream, but knew if I opened my mouth and unlocked my throat I would projectile vomit across the room. Only a few moments passed, but it felt like eternity as I fought my gag reflex. Finally I controlled it enough to grab some dr. pepper and gargle with it.

This is probably the second worst alcohol I have ever had, surpassed only by a whiskey I had in Thailand that tasted like bad whiskey mixed with molasses. Possible competition for #2 would be Taaka brand vodka. I'd have to do a side-by-side comparison to be sure, and...I'm not sure I want to do that.

This is a warning. Don't ever, ever drink this if you value your immortal soul. If you've had it before, my condolences. If us survivors stick together, we can rebuild our shattered lives. The bottle I have will sit in the darkest corner of our freezer until I think I can trick someone into taking a shot. The horror....
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Old 07-24-2008, 10:57 AM AnasSplenium is offline  
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Old 07-24-2008, 11:01 AM Klypr is offline  
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Old 07-24-2008, 11:01 AM Why_Ask_Why is offline  
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you drink McCormick's. I'd rather go sober than drink that shit.
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Old 07-24-2008, 11:03 AM sir tex is offline  
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Old 07-24-2008, 11:04 AM Klypr is offline  
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cool story BRAH
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Old 07-24-2008, 11:04 AM Smokin' Jay is offline  
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Bread Mafia
 
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Whenever I drink the cheapest-of-cheap liquors I never remember SHIT about the night before.

Even if its 10 beers or so and 1 shot of Rikaloff or something, I still can't remember a god damn thing. Worst feeling ever
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Old 07-24-2008, 11:07 AM Bread Mafia is offline  
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Old 07-24-2008, 11:07 AM Statik-X is offline  
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AnasSplenium
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sir tex View Post
you drink McCormick's. I'd rather go sober than drink that shit.

I'm poor, it's cheap, and it gets the job done. But I can only stomach the vodka. This is...indescribable.
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Old 07-24-2008, 11:07 AM AnasSplenium is offline  
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Old 07-24-2008, 11:07 AM Tenebris is offline  
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Old 07-24-2008, 11:08 AM Why_Ask_Why is offline  
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6.50?

You could get seagrams 7 or royal canadian for that much.
Old 07-24-2008, 11:11 AM U Caught The Gay is offline  
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lol

That read very much like an everything2 node. Thanks for the warning.
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Old 07-24-2008, 11:11 AM MrMaN383 is offline  
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i heard that blacks drink whiskey too
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Old 07-24-2008, 11:16 AM zombiecull is offline  
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